Conscious Uncoupling

Separation Ceremony

When we fall in romantic love, we feel like screaming it to the skies.  We find reasons throughout the year – from Valentine’s Day to marriage, to anniversaries – any opportunity to bring sparks of ritual and meaning, to remind us, that we choose and rechoose eachother, again and again.

So, if that same love knocked on your door, would you still let her in knowing it will end one day?  Would you love in caution or could you still give your heart fully, expressing and exposing all parts of you?  And if you could chose in advance, still feeling the sparks and glory of eachother, how would you chose to end the relationship in an ideal scenario?

Sometimes (actually statistically I would say ‘most times’) relationships end.  Marriages end.  And most couples think – that the love too, has ended.   I believe that love has so many faces, and that whether in short or long term relationships, it is constantly changing.  We move between romantic love, to friendship love, erotic love, soul love, parental love, and specs of unconditional love. 

Sometimes we get to the point where we are no longer receiving the kind of love we need. And so – we argue, we blame, we demand, we try, we rise, we fall, we love, we scream, we weep, we realize – it’s just not working anymore. Whether this is a mutual feeling, or one sided, whether in a storm or in peace – there is heartbreak, conflict, and often, trauma.

Closures of all kinds – hurt.  And this hurt is usually hidden behind bitterness and resentment.  There are so many reasons for separation.  Endless.  And still, no matter the reason – consciously closing such a significant part of your life, changes everything.  Finding reason to honor the gifts you received from your union – the love as well as the challenges.  Honoring the lessons received – even if the were hard.  Honoring the love you DID feel and share.  Honoring all the adventures and experiences.  Letting go of feelings like guilt, grief and regret – that otherwise can haunt us for years to come.  

And instead, coating these thousands of memories in gold.  Thankful for all that was.  Opening a clean door for your future.  This encourages the healing of your hearts, a healthier space between you both and a vision for your future, especially if you are parents and will always share a lifelong bond.

I created for myself, a powerful ceremony of separation – ending 13 years of marriage.  It was a very private, intimate and meaningful experience for us.  We had already been separated for over a year, and the energy between us before that was toxic.  So I can personally vouch – that this was the key gate, the the continuation of a friendship that we are ongoingly building.  It dramatically transitioned the bitterness. It even allowed another kind of love that still lives between us, to come alive and be expressed.  Our daughter is over the moon.  As we are.

I wish for every couple to know about this, and so now I offer it to you, dear ones.  

Because a broken heart is one that still loves.

PS – We gifted this photo to our daughter, who witnessed and was apart of our separation ceremony. It was a moment beyond explanation. 


Conscious Uncoupling

Break ups are painful, and many times a bitter experience. There IS another way to honor the love, the relationship, even each other.