A Birth Trauma


It’s so crazy how a moment in birth can trigger and effect such deep subconscious patterns and conditionings in our lives….

Remember when I told you about my chronic birthday blues issue?
That every year, since I was a child, without fail, I would cry, tears of pain, an unexplainable emptiness inside of me, a deep dark hole.

Well, this year I found the root of this pain, a trauma that was triggered on the day I was born, specifically the first few hours of my life. Within the story that unfolded, I understood that for all these years I have been subconsciously seeking for someone to fill my heart with a deep overwhelming unconditional love, like that of a mother for her new born baby. A love so big, almost Godly.

Year after year, no one could give that to me. Year after year I felt like a burden, disappointed, anxious, unsettled, empty. This year I understood something profound. This Godly love I yearned for – no one could really ever give that to me. Not my beloveds, not even my mother. The only person who can truly hug me with THAT much love… is only….MYSELF.

These spiritual teachings claiming ‘love begins with yourself’ stopped being spiritual jargon for me. Because I found that huge love, inside of me. So large. So accessible. So easy to touch… I went and did some deep powerful cleansing and (literally) re-birthing rituals.

And so this is how I woke up on my 39th birthday. Full of my own love. I spent the morning loving myself. And then as early morning faded, and the world woke up, love from all directions RAINED upon me. Like never before. And all this love, didn’t fill any empty hungry hole. It just overspilled my already whole heart.

I walked through the day
Not too high
And certainly not low
I walked the day in ease
And feeling oh so blessed
Almost Godly
This is the first birthday EVER that I felt NO pain, no lack, no hole, no unexplainable sadness.

It took me 39 birthdays, but I made it.

They say life begins at 40.

Now I understand why.
I’m here in paradise
Not just my outer paradise
But now my inner paradise.

Can you tell?
Do you still get the birthday blues?

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