A Drowning Trauma


A very old story
Somehow still alive in my cells.

I was so afraid
Of the water
Of her depth
Of her blackness
Of her strength
Of my death

And only now,
30+ years later,
We are becoming friends
The water and I.

Water of wonders,
I now see the beauty of your depth
So blue
So alive
Twinkling in my eyes like fairy dust,
Caressing every inch of my body,
Penetrating my soul
With so much strength
Yet with so much softness.
Like the lover of my dreams
You are.

I’m so thirsty for more of you.
For more of us.
In my dreams
I dive in to you.
In to your wide welcoming arms.
Feeling free.
Feeling safe.
Floating back to the womb I came from.

Oh mother!
How I missed you!
The lump of excruciating pain in my throat
Slowly softening.

Sometimes we are taken into troubled waters not to drown, but to be cleansed.
I have become clean.
And now
I am coming home.

I have finally
Come home.


For over a year on Koh Phangan Island, in a time of personal huge life transitions, I have been surrounded by beautiful loving humans, gifting me frequent water flow therapy. Each time another breakthrough, another understanding, another healing.Thank you beloveds for your undivided presence, mature masculinity coming from love, that allowed me to fully and safely surrender to you and my inner journey. To Inon Samuelov (with me in the exquisite video) who gave me my final initiation in to freedom. Also, Youval Cohen Zedek, Gilad Sultan, Eyal Zaichik, Amihai Agou, Yoni Freiman, Mario Giovannini, Cati Carbone, & Itamar Blumenfeld! I feel so lucky for every single of my magical moments in the water with each one of you. Together you made one of my biggest (never-thought-I-would-ever-live-to-see-this-day) dreams come true.

Thank you Antoine Guilbo for your open heart and wonderful drone skills.

To my childhood friend who threw me in the pool as a joke – you probably don’t even know how deeply that scarred my life.
Now I set you free,
in gratitude.


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